A Sailor's Love - Fanfiction (Murdoch, Lightoller & OC)

I couldn't feel my lower body. The cold was unbearable. Thousands of knives were stabbing me. The water was flooding the ship quickly. My heart was beating fast as I tried to follow Jack and Rose. I didn't want to die. Not tonight, not like this. We had to get out of here as quickly as possible. If we hadn't saved Jack, he surely would have drowned. The thought of him not being able to free himself was horrifying.

We finally reached a dry area and arrived at a passage blocked by a wooden door. Jack tried to break it. Seeing the door wouldn't open, he turned towards us.

''Alison and Rose, help me please!''

Together, we threw ourselves at the door a couple of times. Jack yelled as it cracked under the pressure of our bodies. We landed in the corridor and followed the blond haired man as he tried to find a way to leave steerage. Passengers and stewards were staring at us, wondering what our problem was, but we didn't see them, too focused on trying to find a way out.

''Hey, what do you think you're doing?" one of the stewards demanded us, eyes going between the broken door and us. ''You'll have to pay for that, you know. That's White Star Line's property!''

Exasperated, we turned around to look at the man who was walking after us.

''Shut up!''

Surprised, he stopped in his tracks, and we continued our way to a high stairwell. People of different origins were gathering there, trying to get out of this part of the ship. Some of them didn't even speak English, which made it difficult to understand that the Titanic was meeting a tragic fate. Sadly for them, if they didn't leave this part of the ship, they would die.

I tried to stand on my tip toes to see what was going on at the top of the stairs. Black gates blocked the exit. Passengers were trying to get out, but the stewards were stopping them. I wanted to go up there and show these crew members that the third class passengers were also people and that they deserved to live.

''Who do you think you are?! These people deserve to live, you bastard!'' I screamed.

''For God's sake, man, there are women and children down here! Let us up, so we can have a chance!'' a familiar voice exclaimed.

We were trapped. My eyes watered, and my heart beat fast. I tried to take deep, slow breaths to calm myself.

''We'll find a way out. There is one, right? There has to be one!''

I saw a familiar figure running down the stairs and recognized Tommy, who was wearing his lifebelt.

''Jack!''

''Tommy!'' he exclaimed, turning to look at him.

''Can we get out?'' I asked, trying not to cry.

''It's hopeless that way,'' Tommy said, his voice rising.

''Whatever we do, we've got to do it fast,'' Jack replied.

''Jack!''

''Fabrizio!'' The blond haired man pulled his friend into a hug.

''The boats are all gone!''

Some passengers were running around, talking and screaming in various languages. I tried to find some of them and explain to them that the Titanic was sinking. Some of the passengers who spoke English understood and panicked even more. I felt terribly sorry for making them feel that way, but they had to know. As for the others, our language barrier didn't help. I tried to use signs with my hands to make them understand the gravity of the situation. Sometimes it worked, other times it didn't.

''This whole place is flooding. We've got to get out!'' I said, turning to look at Fabrizio.

''There is niente this way,'' he replied, accentuating a word in Italian.

''All right,'' Jack replied and turned around to try to find a way in this labyrinth. ''Let's go this way, all right? Come on!''

We followed him, passing corridors filled with steerage passengers who were trying to save themselves. We arrived at the top of a stairwell yet again blocked by black gates. Jack made his way towards the front where a steward was saying that everything would be sorted at the main stairwell.

''Open the gate.''

''Go back down the main stairwell.''

''Open the gate right now.'' Jack's voice raised.

''Go back down the main stairwell like I told you,'' repeated the steward.

He could care less about steerage passengers surviving, and I wanted to walk over to him and show him that they were people like him too.

Suddenly, Jack grabbed the gate, shook it and yelled profanities I'd never heard him say before. The way his face changed and his hands grabbed the gates indicated that impatience, desperation and fear were overwhelming him. In that moment, I saw that he was also just like the rest of us.

''GOD DAMMIT SON OF A BITCH!''

He turned around and scanned the place. His gaze landed on a bench at the back. He went over to it and asked for Tommy and Fabrizio to help him. They were going to break the gate. People were in the way! With Rose's help, we placed passengers on each side so that the men could break it. It broke with a loud noise and we quickly made our way out.

''You can't do this!''

The steward was silenced with a punch to the face by Tommy, and a small satisfied smile spread on my lips. I turned towards other passengers and told them to follow us to the boat deck.

The cold air of the night hit my skin as we reached our destination. Despite the fact that we were still on the sinking ship, relief washed over me when I saw that walls weren't trapping us anymore. The boats were gone. Well, some of them. I could hear Charles' voice yell orders or profanities as passengers tried to get into the lifeboats. That relieved me too. He was alive. Maybe I would see him again.

''The boats are gone!'' Rose said.

Jack then went over to a railing and leaned over it. As for me, I turned around and ran into a very well-known figure of first class society: the colonel Archibald Gracie.

''Colonel, are there any boats on that side?'' I asked him.

''No, miss, but there are still a couple of boats all the way forward. This way, I'll lead you!''

We didn't wait for him and ran over to the front of the ship where we would have a chance to live. I knew the officers in charge of the evacuation. Maybe they would accept my friends on their boats. Of course my husband would allow them only if there weren't any women and children left. I wasn't sure about Charles, but if I convinced him… maybe, just maybe he would accept them.

We arrived in front of a crowded lifeboat. Passengers were pushing to get a seat. I knew right away who was in charge of the evacuation. Charles had his pistol in hand and was using it to get people's attention, allowing only women and children through.

''Step back, sir,'' he said, stopping a man and urging a woman to take a seat. ''Come through, ma'am.''

I swallowed with difficulty as I saw that he wouldn't allow Jack, Tommy and Fabrizio through. I turned around to face them.

''Tommy and Fabrizio, you better go to the other side. My husband is there. He'll let you through if there aren't enough women and children.''

''Come on!'' Jack urged them, holding Rose in his arms as they waited for her to take a seat in the lifeboat.

My eyes watered as I saw a mother with a young girl cuddled into her arms and crying. I turned to my side and saw a father with another girl. Charles took the child and placed her with the mother and her sister. That's when I understood that the family was going to be separated because the man wasn't allowed on the lifeboat.

''Charles! Men can fill those seats,'' I said, motioning to them with my hand. ''You know that you're separating families, don't you?''

''Only women and children are allowed. Captain's orders.''

''Asshole!'' I spat at him as tears streamed down my face.

For a short second, I saw hurt appear in his eyes and averted my gaze, not able to see him hurt. I knew it probably wasn't the best thing to say to him, but before I could stop myself, the word was flowing out of my mouth.

The chief officer took Rose's hand and pushed her forward. She took place on the boat next to the falls. Once it was full, they launched it, and she looked up at us as they descended the length of the sinking ship.

''Come on, Jack. Let's go to the other side.''

''Wait, I want to watch Rose leave. We... we might never see each other again,'' he said shakily, looking up into my eyes and in that moment I knew that this was love.

''Yes, of course,'' I replied softly.

I understood.

I truly did understand.

After a while, I placed my hand on his shoulder.

''We need to leave. We don't have much time,'' I said, making my way over to the other side.

''I hope Fabri and Tommy could leave,'' I said as Jack and I ran towards the bridge.

''Me too. I just hope we can all get off safely. You're sure your husband will accept us?''

''You saw how Lights was. Women and children only. Captain's orders.''

As we got closer to the bridge, I saw a familiar figure trying to block passengers from passing by here. He seemed young compared to Lights and Will. He must have been in his early twenties.

''You can't go through here,'' Mr. Moody said, standing in front of us and blocking the passage.

''Mr. Moody, this is the fastest way to the starboard side.''

He stared at me for a moment without saying anything before letting us through. This section of the ship was reserved for crewmembers, but I could care less. We only had a couple of minutes before the water flooded the decks. Time was running out.

''Get those oars in place!''

''Get an oar under it!''

We arrived in front of a crowd gathered around a collapsible on the officers' quarters' roof. All of these people wanted a seat. So many passengers for limited places... My thoughts wandered back to when Rose and I went to free Jack. My legs had started to feel numb from the cold. I couldn't imagine how my whole body would feel.

Sailors had to get passengers to back off. Jack gave me his hand so I wouldn't get lost in the crowd.

''Women and children only, damn you!'' an officer shouted.

''Hold it!'' a familiar voice said as crewmembers attempted to get the lifeboat to slide on oars. ''Hold it!'' he shouted again, and I looked up to see my husband trying to balance the boat correctly.

''Hold it!''

Oars and seats broke as the small boat crashed on the wooden deck with a loud noise. Passengers rushed over to it only to be stopped by officers.

Will jumped from the roof and crashed into me. His hands grabbed my shoulders, and he looked up to see me.

''Will,'' I whispered as my heart beat quickly in my chest. Tears welled up in my eyes when his gaze met mine. He was alive. For now.

''Take a seat, please, I beg you!''

I nodded quickly and took a place in the boat, knowing that I had already waited long enough. Even if I stayed, the number of deaths wouldn't change. It was still going to be half of the passengers.

''Sir, do you think I can join her?'' Jack asked, glancing between Will and the lifeboat.

''Only if there aren't enough women and children,'' he replied and placed a quick kiss on my lips before going towards the stairs near the bridge. Without wasting a second, he turned around and rushed over to the davits.

''Get these davits cranked in! Let's get the falls hooked up!''

Men quickly did as ordered, but they didn't have time to prepare the lifeboat before the water reached the deck. Men begged and shouted, but officers pushed them back to allow women and children first.

''Stop pushing! Stay back!'' Will said, pointing his pistol in front of him.

''Will you give us a chance to live, you limey bastard?!''

''I'll shoot any man who tries to get past me! Get back!''

One of the men had placed me on the lifeboat. I demanded that Jack follow me, but they refused. No more women and children were coming! Why were they refusing? Those men deserved to live too!

''Jack! Come with me, please!'' I cried.

''I'll find a way, all right? I'll find a way, I promise,'' he said, kneeling in front of me and cupping my face in his hands to place a kiss on my forehead. ''We'll get out of here, I promise,'' he repeated quietly, mostly for himself.

''We had a deal, damn it!'' a familiar voice said, and I immediately recognized Cal with his suit and disheveled hair.

Will took bills from his pocket and threw them in the other man's face.

''Your money can't save you any more than it can save me!'' my husband replied bitterly. ''Get back!''

''Women and children only!'' another man shouted, stepping forward.

A gunshot echoed and another one followed. My ears rang as I looked up to see Will in front of a crowd of men and officers with his pistol in hand. My heart sank when my eyes landed on a lifeless body on the floor and another one in a man's arms, crying for help.

He didn't do it, did he…? My eyes filled with tears as I watched the scene before my eyes. My sweet husband had shot innocent people. I could understand that he was under pressure and scared, but was it a reason to use his weapon?

He slowly lowered his head, trembling. Eyes fixed on the dead bodies in front of him, he took small steps back towards the edge of the ship where water was welcoming us. His movements were slow, trembling and uncertain. He lifted his pistol, offered us a military salute and pointed it at his own temple.

''No!'' I screamed, jumping up from the lifeboat and running towards him. ''Please... please don't do it.''

He slowly looked up at me and stared at me silently. I raised my hand and caressed his cheek.

''Please, for me,'' I begged him.

He sighed and placed his forehead against mine, squeezing his eyes shut. I raised my hand and ran it through his hair at the nape of his neck. Remembering that he had passengers to evacuate, he pulled away from me and went over to the lifeboat to help push it back towards a dry area. The davits wouldn't move, and people had to use knives to cut them.

Jack managed to find me and help me move towards the back of the ship, but the water kept pulling me with it. I tried repeatedly to get out of the freezing water, but the current was too strong. Before I knew it, I had lost Jack's hand. I tried to come up for air, but my lungs kept filling with water as the sinking ship descended into the ocean.

The water was so cold compared to body temperature. My body hurt terribly. It was as though knife after knife was stabbing me. Breathing was too difficult, and my body felt heavy. What was happening? I just wanted to get warm. But how to do it when water was all that surrounded us? The lifeboats were so far away from the Titanic. I couldn't swim over to them.

Suddenly, a hand grabbed mine, and I jumped. I gasped and turned around to see that it was Will who had found me.

''Follow me,'' he said, beginning to swim, holding onto my lifebelt as I tried to do as I was told.

After a moment that felt like eternity, we found two deck chairs and joined them together with the help of my lifebelt. It helped keep me warm, but Will had told me that they would allow us to get on the chairs and float above the freezing water. There wasn't enough space for both of us, and Will gave up his so that I could get on the small improvised raft.

''I... I'm so sorry for earlier.''

''Don't... don't apologize.''

''I killed inno... innocent people!''

''I know, but... but...'' I trailed off, shivering uncontrollably. ''You were just trying to make sure... people got off the ship safely. You... you were doing your job.''

I didn't want to talk about this. Not when I knew he could die.

Die.

Oh no, was my nightmare involving him coming true? Was I effectively going to lose him?

''I'm so cold. I can't feel my body.''

''Don't... don't you say your goodbyes. Not yet. Do you understand me?'' he asked, grabbing my hands and pulling me as close to him as possible. ''I love you, Alison. You've made me extremely happy. I'm thankful to... to... have served on the Titanic.''

Was he saying his goodbyes? Tears welled up in my eyes as I listened to him. Around us, passengers were screaming for help. Help that would never come. Behind me, I could hear water engulf the ship and swallow it whole. Soon, this beautiful ship would be gone from our eyes.

''And I love you too, Will. Thank you for... for helping me escape my situation.''

''I would do it all over again.'' He smiled weakly, and I smiled back.

His last smile.

I should just enjoy those last minutes with him before I'd lose him. Before I would live life without him. Before everything without him. How was I going to live without the man I loved by my side?

''I can't lose you. I love you so much.''

''You won't. I'll always be by your side.''

It wouldn't be the same.

Suddenly, a loud cavernous noise came from the ship followed by cracking. What? I looked over my shoulder and saw that she was breaking in half! Half! Who knew this ship would sink let alone break! People still on it screamed and begged for help. I just wanted to go back and do something, anything, for them. No one could help them anymore. This was our fate, and we couldn't escape it.

Slowly but surely, water flooded the sections and dragged them towards the seabed. I squeezed Will's hand as we witnessed its last moment. The ship had tried to stay afloat for as long as possible, but after a while, it was just impossible. There was a moment of silence followed by screams. Half of the passengers were in the freezing water.

I turned towards Will and shakily lifted his hand to place a kiss on it. He was extremely pale. The cold was getting to him. It was only a matter of time before... before...

I squeezed my eyes shut and held his hand against my cheek.

No, not him. Please, don't take him away from me.

''How am I going to... to live without you?''

''You'll find a man who will love you.''

''I want that man to be you.''

''I know... I know.''

He pulled my hands towards his face and placed a kiss on them.

''You will love again, Alison. You will be happy with this man.''

No. There was no other man who could make me as happy as he did. He was the only one that I wanted in my life.

He was slowly drifting away. I could tell he wasn't entirely there anymore. His thoughts were elsewhere. I wanted to sleep, but if I closed my eyes, I might never open them again. So I talked. I talked about the life I lived before my father passed away, the life I had in Southampton, and the life I wanted with him.

People had stopped screaming. It was incredibly quiet around us. If I looked around me, the sea was filled with lifeless, frozen bodies floating in the waves. What if...?

''Will?''

No response. I tried again, shaking him harder.

''Will?!'' I cried, hoping he would wake up, but chances were he wouldn't.

Oh god... I lost him. He was dead. His body was white, small ice crystals had formed in his hair, on his cap and around his nose. His hand was still wrapped around mine.

''Hello? Can anybody hear me?''

Harry yelled into the night, hoping that a survivor would answer. I was there, but my voice was weak. I would have screamed if I could. Remembering that Will had a whistle around his neck, I grabbed it and blew into it repeatedly until I caught Harry's attention and they helped me climb into the lifeboat. I had detached myself from Will and watched him sink into the abyss, taking our future together with him.

Voici le dernier chapitre que j'ai sous la main. Je n'ai pas terminé cette histoire. Je vais poster les autres chapitres dès que je les termine. J'espère que vous avez aimé et n'hésitez pas à me dire ce que vous en pensez. C'est super apprécié. :D



1,500 people went into the ocean that night. Only six were pulled out, including me. We had lost one passenger. I received a blanket and wrapped it around my body. Not able to stand the cold, I asked for another one. Much better. Dawn would rise soon. We couldn't see or hear anything around us except the stars and the waves of the ocean hitting the small lifeboats.

My heart jumped out of my chest when my eyes landed on a familiar figure. His hair was blond, and he looked young, probably in his twenties. He had a beige shirt with brown trousers and suspenders of the same color. It couldn't be him, could it? Yes, it was!

For a second, tears filled my eyes, and I looked away, feeling the ache of my shattered heart as I desperately wished for my husband to be there. Rose was lucky to still have Jack. I would never see my husband's beautiful eyes or sweet face again. He would never hug or kiss me again. Life with him was like a distant dream now. I took in a shaky breath and wrapped the blankets tighter around me. My eyes found Jack's blue ones, and he scooted closer to me, pulling me into a tight hug. Setting my jealousy to the side, I leaned my head on his shoulder, letting him hold me in his arms.

''Alison!''

Water had reached the deck, and I tried to swim towards Jack. When his hand found mine, he tried to pull me with him. I did my best to follow, but the current was strong. Water filled my lungs. I kept coming up for air, coughing.

''Jack!'' I cried, trying to reach him again. He had held out his hand once more for me to take.

Our fingertips touched. So close yet so far. The freezing water kept pulling me with it as I tried to pull myself up on the deck and take his hand. Then I slipped and followed the current, disappearing into the black water, unable to come back up for air.

''How are you?'' Jack's voice pulled me out of my thoughts.

''I don't feel well...''

He didn't say anything, but placed a kiss on my hair and stroked it gently. He was a good friend. That was all I needed. I couldn't believe what had happened. The grandest ship in the world had sunk and taken a thousand lives with it. I wanted to scream. This was a dream, right? I would soon wake up from it.

My eyelids were heavy. So heavy. I could close my eyes and rest a little bit. Death wasn't lurking in the shadows waiting to take me. When I opened my eyes, I was met with sunlight and a ship picking up survivors. Assistance was finally there. It took the whole night, but at least people had come for us. There was no other ship around, and I understood this was the only one which had responded. Tears threatened to flow, but they never did. I felt a warm body against me, and for a second, I thought that maybe, just maybe, Will was there. I only got a stab in the heart when Jack asked me how I'd slept. Why couldn't it be Will?

I just wanted to go back to sleep and never wake up. What would life be without my husband? Sure, I had friends who cared about me, but it wasn't the same. During our time together, I had planned for a life with him. We would have had a house together, children of our own, and he would still have been a sailor. But now that wouldn't happen.

My turn came, and I collapsed into the arms of an officer upon reaching the deck. My body was so heavy.

''It's alright, miss. I've got you,'' the man said gently, helping me stand and handing me over to a nurse, who took me to the sick bay to get checked by a doctor.

As I sat on a bed, I saw Jack next to me being checked by the doctor. He released my friend and came over to me.

''Hello, miss. How are you feeling?'' he asked me, taking out a pencil and a notepad.

''Tired.''

''That is perfectly normal. What's your name?''

''Alison Murdoch.''

My heart squeezed painfully at the mention of my husband's last name. How strange it was to take his name. We hadn't been married a day. The doctor smiled and wrote down the information.

''Let me verify your vital signs.''

He took out a small light and passed it before my eyes. Noting that I was responding normally, he proceeded to listen to my heart and breathing with the help of a stethoscope. He wrapped the instrument around his neck and offered me a warm smile, writing down the information.

''You're good to go. Get plenty of rest, warm drinks and food.''

''Thank you.''

I stood up next to Jack, who was waiting for me. Together, we searched the ship for his friends and Rose, wondering where they might be. They couldn't be dead, could they? No, Rose got off the ship in a lifeboat. Unless she jumped back on the Titanic. About to lose hope, we finally found them in the steerage section of the ship. Happy and relieved, we made our way over to them. Jack and Rose reunited, hugging and kissing. I was happy for them, truly, but a part of me wanted Rose to feel my pain.

''Where's Mr. Murdoch?'' she asked, looking around us as if waiting for him to come out and join us.

Uncontrollable sobs escaped me. Rose and Jack had each other, Tommy and Fabrizio had their friends, and me... I had no one.

''I'm so sorry...'' Rose said sympathetically.

They both stepped forward and wrapped their arms around me.

''I know what it is like. I lost Helga,'' Fabrizio said in broken English, placing a hand on my shoulder. She was the blonde girl I had seen at the party in third class. The man had been pretty enamoured with her.

''I'm sorry... You loved her, right?'' I asked through tears.

''Yes, very much.'' He smiled, and I returned the gesture.

''Alison. Thank god you're alright!''

A familiar voice reached my ears. Almost instantly, I detached myself from my friends and pulled the second officer in my arms.

''Lights,'' I whispered, burying my face in his coat and inhaling his sweet scent.

''I thought I'd lost you,'' he said, his voice cracking.

''Me too.''

He wrapped his arms around me and placed a gentle kiss on my hair. Needing to see his face, I pulled away and stared into his blue eyes. A small smile spread across my lips, and he returned it.

''Where's Will?''

''Not here.''

''I know. He's in the sick bay? He'll be fine,'' he said shakily, nodding his head swiftly. He smiled gently, waving his hand dismissively.

I couldn't bear to break the news to Charles. He seemed so happy to reunite with his friend. Knowing that he died would break him, but... he had to know.

''He won't come back. He died, Lights.''

''What?''

His face fell as he stared at me in disbelief. This hopeful gleam in his eyes faded as the news of his friend's death sank in. Twelve years of friendship... gone. One night. It took one fateful night to lose his friend.

''We… We made a raft with deck chairs, and he... he gave up his life for me.''

I squeezed my eyes shut, recalling how I'd seen him slip away every second until he would never wake up. Tears streamed down my cheeks, but I did my best to not let the pain show.

Charles didn't say anything and simply held me tightly in his arms, leaning his head against mine. We stayed that way in silence for a moment, listening to each other's heartbeats.

''Would you like to walk with me around the ship?'' I asked Lights, wanting to spend some time alone with him.

He agreed, and we told our friends we'd meet for breakfast. We talked about what we went through on the sinking Titanic. He told me how he had tried to launch a collapsible, but it had turned over. Some unlucky people had died, and with the help of some men, Charles got them off the lifeboat so that other people would get a chance to live.

I lowered my head in shame as guilt shot through me. He wasn't an asshole after all. He still could have let men on the lifeboats, but hearing this story made me respect him a little more. This man had risked his life so that other people would escape a terrible fate.

''I apologize for calling you an asshole. It was rude and disrespectful of me.''

''Apology accepted.'' He smiled gently at me, squeezing my hand as we leaned against a window in the promenade deck. A soft smile spread across my lips as we watched the never ending horizon.

''I should have let men on the lifeboats.''

''You thought Captain Smith said women and children only.''

''More people could have been saved. I should have filled those lifeboats. I should—''

''Lights. Please, stop blaming yourself. You couldn't have saved them all.'' I cut him off, lifting an arm and placing it around his shoulders.

He sighed softly but didn't say anything, and I could tell he still felt bad about himself.

''There was nothing you could do,'' I continued. ''Twenty more lifeboats would have been needed to save everyone. No matter how many lives you would've saved, the number of passengers doomed to die was always going to be one thousand.''

The man shook his head and stared at the horizon with me, not changing his mind.

''Look at you... You went back with Rose to free Jack, and you helped people get on Will's lifeboats.''

''We only did what we thought was right.''

He nodded, turning to look at me and pulling me into his arms. I could get used to his warm embrace. The feeling of safety and solace I felt was all that I needed during this difficult time. I closed my eyes and leaned my head on his shoulder.

''About that kiss...''

His sentence took me out of my thoughts, and I tensed, opening my eyes.

''I thought I would never see you again.''

I didn't intend for the response to be quick, but it wasn't like I loved him. Yes, the man was attractive, but I didn't feel the need to spend every second of my life with him. I didn't see myself having children or a house with this man. He was merely a good friend I could spend time with. I didn't want him to hope that we could be more.

''That kiss was the only thing that helped me believe we'd see each other again,'' he said shakily, tentatively.

No, no, please don't say that. I pulled away from him as breakfast was being announced, trying to find a pretext to avoid this discussion.

''We should go.''

He didn't say anything, and we walked in a heavy silence inside the ship to the steerage dining room. We ate with Jack, Rose and their friends. The air was tense, filled with pain and grief. Everyone around us had lost someone. We tried to keep the conversation lighthearted and hopeful about the future, but it was incredibly difficult knowing that someone would be missing from our dreams.

Breakfast came to an end, and I decided to read a book in the library. Sometime before lunch, a sudden fatigue overwhelmed me, and I decided to take a nap in the stateroom that had been given to me.

Rose came to find me in my stateroom, and we made our way to the dining room. It was a pleasant lunch, but my mind always went back to my husband dying and Lights saying he had been holding onto the kiss we had shared.

Every single memory of my late husband was like a knife stabbing my heart. I should have been sharing lunch with him. When it was over, Charles and I went on a walk together. I enjoyed his company and wanted to get to know him more. Sure, I had lost my husband, but on the Titanic, I had spent all of my time with Will. Charles deserved some of my attention. He had been nothing but kind to me. The man by my side had all the time in the world. He wasn't on duty anymore. Despite that, he wanted to help the officers on board the ship. The captain had told him to rest and take care of himself.

''You're crying.''

His voice took me out of my thoughts. I sniffed and wiped my tears hastily. He took a step closer and raised a hand to dry my tears with his thumb. I sniffled again, slowly looking up at him and meeting his blue eyes.

''We'll get through this difficult time together.''

I nodded softly. Lights must have known why I was crying because he leaned forward and placed a gentle kiss to my forehead. I closed my eyes, taking in the contact of his lips on my skin, finding comfort in his action. In that moment, I knew I wasn't alone.

''Thank you.''

A small smile spread across my lips despite the tears as he stroked my cheek with his fingers.

We walked a bit more, talking about anything and everything, just learning about the other. I discovered that he had travelled North America alone with nothing but his clothes, a horse and some money. He had lived incredible adventures. I could listen to him talk all day. He had made me laugh with some of them, and I was grateful for it. He definitely was an interesting person. On the contrary, I shouldn't have been spending that much time with him. Images of my husband dying kept coming back to me, reminding me that I should take time to grieve.

''You really slid the Oceanic's bridge?''

''Yes! The bridge had to be scrubbed. If it wasn't, it could get slippery.''

I laughed loudly, imagining him in his uniform sliding on the bridge.

''Who would've thought a professional officer like you would do something like that!''

''One day, the commandant caught me. I succeeded in avoiding the wheel house and the wheel. He appeared in front of me and asked me what the hell I was doing.''

''What did you say?''

''I'm awfully sorry, sir. I slipped. He replied, 'Slipped, did you? I wish you had broken your damned neck, sir, as you nearly broke mine.'"

''Well, you're lucky you didn't get fired!''

''Yes, very lucky indeed. You're not the only one who laughs when I tell this story.'' He chuckled, shaking his head softly.

''I needed a laugh. Thank you.'' I smiled at him.

''Oh, I'm sure you'll get to laugh more if I tell you some other stories...''

He began to tell me another one, and once again, I was captivated by his words, not wanting him to finish. This was strange, incredibly strange. Talking to this man was as natural as breathing. Everything flowed so easily. I shouldn't get close to this man. This was wrong, but I couldn't seem to stay away.

The subject changed to our families and how we were growing up. I learned Charles was quite a rebel. His family was in the cotton industry, and he didn't want to be part of it. He also added that he never got to know his mother or two siblings. She died of the scarlet fever some time after giving birth to him. His brother and sister, aged ten and seven years old, both died during the same year.

''I wasn't into dolls growing up. I preferred ships and picking up seashells. I have a beautiful collection back in Southampton.'' I said.

''I'm sure girls love to play with dolls.''

''Not me, I can assure you.'' I chuckled.

''You're a peculiar lady, I must say.'' He shook his head softly, a small smile tugging at his lips.

''Should I take that as a compliment?'' I asked, raising an eyebrow. He nodded his head, laughing.

''How come you're an only child?''

''I have no idea. I guess my father was always working, and Mother never thought of having another child.''

''Understandable. Has he always been the owner of a naval company?''

''No. My father used to be a sailor like you,'' I replied, shaking my head, reminiscing on my father's life. ''After some years, he and a friend decided to create the Oceania line. His ships were mostly based on safety and speed.''

Leaning on a promenade deck window, I stared at the horizon and continued, ''He sometimes said he designed them with me in mind... I have no idea why he said that, but he did.''

''I can only imagine why, Alison.'' He grinned, and I could feel his eyes on me. I turned to look at him and found myself staring into his eyes.

Wait, what?

''You're delicate like a flower, but strong like an oak,'' he continued, the smile never leaving his lips. My cheeks burned. I knew he thought of me that way, but I also knew he'd never make any inappropriate gestures towards me. ''A ship should be gracious, luxurious and strong in every way possible. Every material, shade of paint and piece of décor, from the bow to the stern...''

I shook my head, smiling softly, loving how Charles spoke of ships. He clearly had the heart of a sailor.

''Dinner already?'' I asked, realizing for the first time just how much time had passed as the last meal of the day was being announced.

The sun was slowly setting on the horizon, indicating that daylight was disappearing to allow the moon to rise in the sky. Had we been talking all afternoon? I knew we both got along well, and I was happy to have a friend such as him to spend time with. There was never a dull moment in his company.

Together, we made our way inside the ship and joined our friends in the dining room. Rose kept shooting me glances and smiles. Why was she looking at me that way?

Later that night, Rose and I went on a walk outside. Stars covered the sky, and the bridge was lit by the moon above our heads. The black sea underneath our feet gently hit the hull of the ship, lulling passengers in their beds to sleep.

''Rose? Can I ask you a question?''

''Of course. You know you can speak to me.'' She smiled.

I leaned against a window, staring at the endless horizon before us and thinking about how I could word my question. I didn't want to accuse her of anything. During dinner, she had shot glances and smiles my way, and since then, questions kept invading my mind. I desperately wanted to know the reason behind her behavior. The last time she had acted this way, it was on the Titanic regarding my interest in the officers. Was she thinking that I was interested in Charles? Was she thinking I should pursue this man? Was she out of her mind? I had lost my husband! I took a deep breath and turned to look at her:

''Why were you smiling and glancing at me during dinner? Last time you did...''

''I know you see Charles as a friend, but you've spent a lot of time with him today.''

''Rose!'' I exclaimed, shaking my head in disbelief. ''You think I'd be interested in him? I lost my husband. My husband. Did you forget?''

''I know, and you should take time to grieve,'' she replied, placing a hand on mine. ''I'm just saying that you should get to know Charles more. Who knows what the future might hold?''

I squeezed her hand, appreciating the support. The anger and hurt I had previously felt was slowly leaving me. She was a good friend, only wanting what was best for me. I had to add that she was right. I should get to know the sailor. He was an interesting person deserving of my time.

''You're right, and I do think he's an interesting person. I just want to get to know him more.''

''What do you have to lose?'' she asked me, raising an eyebrow. I chuckled and pulled her into a hug. Then I bid her goodnight.